worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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