So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
