She is in my trunk
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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