I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would fuck him just for his dog
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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