I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
