I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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