Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
