Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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