can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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