Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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