Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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