i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
