Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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