You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
