so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
