I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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