He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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