OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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