I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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