how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
