it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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