if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
