i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
