Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
