Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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