We're facebook friends in real life
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
