Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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