i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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