I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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