If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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