Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
