Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i would punch a child for taco bell
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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