i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
