I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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