You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
