That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
