Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
