I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
