I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
