I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
