Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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