I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
