I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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