from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Alive.
So much puke
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
