drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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