My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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