Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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(586): I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market http://tfl.nu/4otb

Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (923)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.

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(843): I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed. http://tfl.nu/tmoe

Replies (16) Good night (578) Bad night (1081)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things

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(601): having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things http://tfl.nu/w4id

Replies (39) Good night (15559) Bad night (854)
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(616): View more from Michigan

You are an asshole

(574): View more from Indiana

haha sleeping beauty awakes.

(616): View more from Michigan

Where did you find this costume?

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(616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai

Replies (32) Good night (12489) Bad night (959)
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(909): View more from California

so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

(1-909): View more from California

I worship thee.

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(909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00

Replies (54) Good night (8264) Bad night (1240)
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(206): View more from Washington

Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.

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(206): Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night. http://tfl.nu/zl6t

Replies (7) Good night (4608) Bad night (1107)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

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(973): there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it. http://tfl.nu/9xxm

Replies (8) Good night (2803) Bad night (1641)
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(916): View more from California

The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.

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(916): The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood. http://tfl.nu/ro5l

Replies (9) Good night (5156) Bad night (1418)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag

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(330): Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag http://tfl.nu/ebgx

Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (2045)
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(330): View more from Ohio

It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.

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(330): It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop. http://tfl.nu/5ysk

Replies (11) Good night (681) Bad night (1572)
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(214): View more from Texas

I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it

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(214): I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it http://tfl.nu/key8

Replies (11) Good night (679) Bad night (1176)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?

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(920): there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room? http://tfl.nu/s38b

Replies (8) Good night (567) Bad night (1264)
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(406): View more from Montana

Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.

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(406): Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home. http://tfl.nu/eyf5

Replies (6) Good night (891) Bad night (444)
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(323): View more from California

I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?

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(323): I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today? http://tfl.nu/ws7y

Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (216)
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(256): View more from Alabama

We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.

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(256): We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important. http://tfl.nu/x4o0

Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (177)

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