I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen