M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face