I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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