after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
