I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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