Sry I called you an 8
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
