My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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