im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
