I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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