It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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