What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
