you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
