it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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