Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
