She said her name was "party"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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