im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
