I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
