just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
