A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i love accidental penises.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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