Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
