I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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