I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
