I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
