Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
