i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
