My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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