You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize