..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
