Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
