Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
