There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
