I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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