I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
