So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
