Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize