Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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