i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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