You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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