Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
