Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
